It’s been AGES since I’ve posted. Why? Because I shared my story. So far… I didn’t want to just post so I could post something. I started this blog to help, not to talk about myself. But something happened on Friday that I think might touch a nerve.
I had my DREAM DAY. NONE of which would have been possible if I hadn’t taken my life and health + mostly my mindset to a new level.
After much encouragement I decided to beg a dance teacher to start big girl barre classes two years ago. We’ve been sweating it out twice a week ever since. On Friday I had my chance with my other beautiful barre beauties to stare fear in the face and dance in front of 400 people… HOLY CRAP. Not only that but I had a part of that to do on my own…
If you’ve seen any of my prev story you might remember that ballet was part of my make up and also part of my undoing. It was my heaven and then my hell. So getting on stage and facing my ultimate challenge was by no means a small deal yet up until it was done I couldn’t think too much about what it meant to me.
My dance teacher has been one of my biggest cheerleaders. Her love has meant more than she could ever imagine. She gave me a tutu and let me have my dream – no she designed and beamed at me while I lived it out. I had friends all around me on stage and friends in the audience and some who couldn’t be there on the night but still sending me so much love I could actually feel it.
Did I nail it? Well kinda. I was wobbly as F in the section that scared me most but as I recounted later I realise now that we can aim for perfection but really it’s about the perfect moment and that’s what I got.
Every time I thought, WTF am I doing, I can’t/don’t have time/or the headspace/is this really the best use of my time this week… and every time I came up with the same come back – THIS IS A DREAM, it’s ALWAYS worth it!!! I can do ANYTHING if I decide that it’s important enough to me. Fear is BULLSHIT. My boys danced their hearts out and so why couldn’t I? And I’ll be honest with you… I LOVED EVERY MINUTE of it.
I’ll quickly run you though how I got through it in my head… So it’s all about what’s going on upstairs you know that by now right? Think Tiger Woods… his skills remain the same yet the minute his head if OFF – HE is off. So all I did was remember WHY I was doing it. What did it mean to me… and why. I knew. I was sure and I didn’t let any of the other voices that kept shouting at me get any where near my true story. My last ballet performance as a young teenager had been railroaded… my self image had been shattered. Now at the age of 39, I finally had the strength, the courage and the skills to overcome what fear wanted to do to me – and do it anyway. Nerves were a waste of energy and I decided to call it excitement. I was surrounded by the most inspiring young people who were also PACKING IT yet getting up there and doing their best. Just like in life. We see those who want to do and those who do. I wanna be one of the do-ers, not the I wish I’d done-rs…
Never be afraid to show people your passion & to do what you need to do to reach your best life. With love and with patience – know that it can all come to you. Even if you aren’t the best at it – when you do it with love it will always be applauded (esp by me). If I had not decided to take my life back this dream and many others would be unfulfilled. If I can you can. Promise. x